A lady, who signs herself "Vexed"
Writes to say she believes she's been hexed:
"I don't mind my shins
Being stuck full of pins,
But I feel I am coming unsexed."
As tourists inspected the aspe,
An ominous series of raps
Came from under the alter
Which caused some to falter
And others to shriek and collapse.
Each night father fills me with dread
When he sits on the foot of my bed;
I don't mind that he speaks
In gibbers and squeaks
But for seventeen years he's been dead.
A headstrong youn lady of Ealing
Threw her two-year-old child at the ceiling;
When quizzed why she did
She replied: "To get rid
Of a strange overpowering feeling."
To his club-footed child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tipple:
"Your mother's behaviour
Gave pain to Our Saviour
And that's why He made you a cripple."
The babe with a cry, brief and dismal
Fell into the waters baptismal
Ere they'd gathered it's plight
It ahd sunk out of sight
For the depths of that font were abysmal.
From the bathing-machine came a din
As of jollification within;
It was heard far and wide
And the incomming tide
Had a definite flavor of gin.
From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews
There is really abominable news:
They've discovered a head
In the box for the bread
And nobody seems to know whose.
An incautious woman called Venn
Was seen with the wrong sort of men;
She vanished one day
But the folloing May
Her legs were retrieved from a fen.
The Dowager Duchess of Sprout
Collapsed at the height of a rout;
She had stregnth to say
As they bore her away:
"I should never have taken the trout."